Dear Abby..

 A female friend of mine recently came to me with queries on how to go about getting laid. (Why, do you think I'm some sort of expert in this field or something??!) The problem is that it seems a LOT of my single friends (guys and girls) are very kuai these days (ahem – 21 months *koff*koff*) , not seeing enough "action" as Maxim leads you to believe you are ENTITLED TO, nay REQUIRED TO HAVE in your 20's. Well, surprise surprise kids, it's not the 80's anymore, the party's over ( we were just born then anyway) and the reality is that unless you are really that shallow you're NOT getting sexual offers left and right no matter how beautiful, intelligent or possesed of some deep profound quality you are.

So to help my girls out there, here's my summer field guide to getting some.

STEP 1 – Pick one guy. To hurry this process, pick one among the FIRST 10 men you come into contact with at your next social event. (While this does not guarantee quality, this will help with the decision process among you procrastinators out there)

STEP 2 -  Chat him up for 5-10 minutes, determine if he has STDS. (Ease into this subject gently: " What's your name?..Where do you work?..Oh, how interesting, do you know so-and-so? ..What do you like to do in your free time?.. Do you have syphillis? – see, it's really easy) If he's clean, proceeed to step 3.

STEP 3 –  Suggest to go back to his place, pretend to be interested in his
 a) blog
 b) star wars collection
 c) mother's home cooked bak chang
 (whatever it takes)

STEP 4 –  Be upfront (I've read from very reliable sources, ie. FHM and Cosmo – that men like women who make the first move)

STEP 5 –  Do it!! (Hopefully you still remember how to)

STEP 6 – Breathe a sigh of relief, you're done! Congratulations. Now is a good time to sneak out of John/Mike/Ah Keong's house as most men will tend to fall into a coma right after sex. (Sneaking out will also help to avoid the awkward post-sex conversation where you spend 15 minutes trying to scan his room for some envelope or magazine that will remind you what his damned name is.)

Simple, isn't it? Now that you're armed with JOJO's Field Guide, have a great (and safe) summer!