FLYING TOMATO!

FLYING TOMATO!, originally uploaded by jolinjojobeans.

(waits for hysterical laughter to dies down)

…

(still waiting)

… yes. this is how red I get after ONE margarita. The monkey face photo pose is natural. I can’t take pictures without making some stupid face.

But LOOK HOW RED I GET!!!!!! Compare to Adele (in middle) whose tofu blue skin has had no contamination of alcohol and Mike Blumenthal whose caucasian genes are predsiposed to absorbing alcohol. It is believed that if caucasians do not consume at least a bottle of alcohol a day their skin becomes transparent and you can see through their pancreas. Therefore alcohol consumption is necessary to avoid unnecessary run-ins among translucent caucasians.

I used to be allergic to ALL alcohol… beer, wine, vodka, rum, you name it. For years my sympathetic friends tried to run tests (me being guinea pig) to see what I could possibly NOT be allergic to. I’ve been to the Emergency Room three times due to hives from alcohol. I’ve also been to an allergist to see if anything could be done about the hives. Nothing really worked. It was so disappointing to be in Rome a semester and not be able to drink all that fabulous wine. And being the only sober one in a party full of drunken ***holes is not very fun, especially at closing time when everyone and their mother is drunk off their rocker and you have to deal with them. But I’m nothing if not determined.

Every year I put in at least one big effort toward the cause (hence so many ER visits) and it finally paid off! last summer I discovered that i can drink Baileys. then over Christmas I found another drink I was not allergic to (well, okay, not SOOOO allergic to) – lambic! then sangria, and most recently I’ve grown a penchant for margaritas! I think what is was is that as long as the drink is thoroughly diluted in soda or fruit juice, it helps take the edge off my reaction to it. It doesn’t matter how dilute it is, I STILL get drunk.

Drunk Jolin is like this:
1 minisip = no effect
3 minisips = blush apparent
5 minisips = skin starts glowing bright red
half a glass = starts speaking loudly, skin hot and red
3/4 glass = eyes droopy, words slurry
1 glass = passes out

So as you can see, I function much better with no alcohol in me. But if I were to join the party, I’m still a wonderfully cheap date! (and a giant red homing beacon)